ferris wheel -
sun hides behind mountain
till sun-rise
sun hides behind mountain
till sun-rise
Don Baird ~
ferris wheel -
hidden behind the mountain
until sunrise
~
This leaves it more open for the reader to determine what's going on. This doesn't fall into the hokku genre but even so, with a slight edit, it works well as a short poem.
Dalvir Gill i prefer your version of the poem. i wrote this some time ago for a Punjabi "haiku" group, ( i usually contributed the 'non-haiku' poems there, intentionally, for there definition of haiku was "two images and a moment". ) instead of 'ferris-wheel' i used that spool thing the thread of kite is wrapped around - for the endless cycle of days and nights. Thank you very much Don for your attention, i'm reading more and more documents, from "Simply Haiku" and the 'files' of this group/workshop but this is a better learning process reading your and Robert's input, along with interaction of participants. I am genuinely indebted to this space.
Robert D. Wilson I like your reference to a kite spool and the endless cycle of night and day.
that kite . . .
night and day again
and again
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