snow-clad mountain
she must have a name
but, what's the need
she must have a name
but, what's the need
Robert D. Wilson This needs to be developed more. You are voicing an opinion, thus it is a haiku instead of a hokku. Also, there needs to be a cut, perhaps an ellipsis, at the end of line one.
Dalvir Gill I've read most of the group documents and still trying to figure it out. what can be done to these three lines to modify it into a hokku or even bring it close to the hokku?- Dalvir Gill hmmmm. Thanks Robert D. Wilson. I do read all the discussions going on in this workshop. this does look like an idea, rather an abstract one. It happened in Nepal. among so many snow-covered peaks one was exceptionally attractive and start guessing what her name was, and then it occurred to me that the same thing happens to us while reading on Zen/Tao we get so engrossed in the "words" ( nomenclature/terminology ) that we miss on the real "Beauty". That's the only visual I could think of. Thanks again, will try to work on it.
- Robert D. Wilson Possibily:
snow clad mountain . . .
not the name, the beauty,
the beauty
ignoring desire . . .
to name the mountain
or find its name - Dalvir Gill I liked both versions. second one more than the first, just a little bit more. I'm grateful.
- Robert D. Wilson Basho found it hard to write about Mount Fuji. He saw it in awe and felt that words were inadequate to describe it.
snow clad mountain . . .
who am i to give
you a name?
https://www.facebook.com/groups/punjabihaiku/permalink/10151473950077729/
ReplyDeleteDalvir Gill
October 23, 2012 · Brampton
ਬਰਫ਼ੀਲੀ ਚੋਟੀ
ਇਸਦਾ ਕੋਈ ਨਾਮ ਹੋਏਗਾ
ਕੀ ਲੋੜ ਹੈ
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Avtar Sidhu, Darbara Singh Kharaud, Umesh Ghai and 34 others like this.
Dalvir Gill oh thank you SirdaarJi, thanks a lot....
October 23, 2012 at 9:51am · Like
Jagraj Singh Norway in roman::::
barfili choti
isda koi naam hoega
ki lod hai
October 23, 2012 at 1:20pm · Unlike · 1
Dalvir Gill Thanks Jagraj veere for transliterating and friends for liking
October 24, 2012 at 3:03am · Like · 1
Dalvir Gill https://www.facebook.com/groups/444411758944436/permalink/483968161655462/
Hokku Workshop - Zoka
snow-clad mountain she must have a name but, what's the need
December 24, 2012 at 9:17am · Like · 1 · Remove Preview
Vicky Sandhu amazing
December 25, 2012 at 6:17am · Like