Haiku Chaos: Haiku to Hokku

one-handed clap . . .
relishing every sip of tea from
an empty cup

Like Like · · 4

Robert D. Wilson A one handed clap is from a Zen Buddhist koan. What is the purpose of using one-handed clap as your first line?

February 26, 2013 at 3:04pm · Like
Dalvir Gill Tried to juxtapose it with a similar act.

February 26, 2013 at 3:07pm · Like
Robert D. Wilson As it reads, it is a haiku. Where is zôka in this poem? It is a nice poem. Evocative. Intelligent

February 26, 2013 at 3:11pm · Unlike · 1
Dalvir Gill I know, and it irritates me to the max that so far I couldn't get hold on the portrayal of Zoka even though there are so many examples in this workshop and have gone through your essays on Japanese Aesthetics. I need to study more, I know that and study I shall do. Thanks for being here as a guide Master Wilson.

February 26, 2013 at 3:18pm · Like · 4 (

People Who Like This

Close

FriendFriends

Sandip Chauhan
120 mutual friends

FriendFriends

Robert D. Wilson
50 mutual friends

FriendFriends

Sasa Vazic
34 mutual friends

FriendFriends

Rita Odeh
40 mutual friends ) like it.

that eye
piercing the haze . . .
sunrise

ferris wheel -
sun hides behind mountain
till sun-rise

Like Like · · 3

Don Baird ~
ferris wheel -
hidden behind the mountain
until sunrise
~

This leaves it more open for the reader to determine what's going on. This doesn't fall into the hokku genre but even so, with a slight edit, it works well as a short poem.

January 7, 2013 at 3:14pm · Unlike · 1
Dalvir Gill i prefer your version of the poem. i wrote this some time ago for a Punjabi "haiku" group, ( i usually contributed the 'non-haiku' poems there, intentionally, for there definition of haiku was "two images and a moment". ) instead of 'ferris-wheel' i used that spool thing the thread of kite is wrapped around - for the endless cycle of days and nights. Thank you very much Don for your attention, i'm reading more and more documents, from "Simply Haiku" and the 'files' of this group/workshop but this is a better learning process reading your and Robert's input, along with interaction of participants. I am genuinely indebted to this space.

January 7, 2013 at 3:46pm · Like · 1
Robert D. Wilson I like your reference to a kite spool and the endless cycle of night and day.
that kite . . .
night and day again
and again

January 7, 2013 at 7:25pm · Unlike · 1

a strange chirp -
wind gushes through acacia
strangled plastic bag

Like Like · · 3

Don Baird Maybe a little too many words?

strange chirp -
the wind gushes through
a plastic bag

?

But the word "strange" is a subjective judgement - a non hokku aesthetic. So, we need a different word than "strange".

January 5, 2013 at 8:51pm · Unlike · 2
Robert D. Wilson chirping . . .
wind gushes through a
plastic bag

January 5, 2013 at 9:26pm · Unlike · 2
Lisette Root My horse is terrified of bag monsters! They just can't be trusted, lol!

January 6, 2013 at 3:19am · Unlike · 1

through the breeze
the river stands still;
I flow

a mountain river
way more than water
against boulders

Like Like · · 4

Robert D. Wilson A nice sentiment but something most readers already know.

A possibility:

more than water,
this river churning thoughts . . .
granite sentries

January 5, 2013 at 2:18am · Like · 1
Dalvir Gill they have gotten me so scared of the "Personification" that ........

January 5, 2013 at 12:55pm · Like · 1
Robert D. Wilson Personification is okay, Dalvir. The taboo given to it are errors from Blyth and Yasuda that have become doctrine for many English language haiku groups. Issa, Buson, and Bashō all used personification at times. They were animist or animist influenced. One of my essays in a previous issue of Simply Haiku address this thoroughly.

January 5, 2013 at 7:20pm · Unlike · 4
Dalvir Gill i find that common among Tantric, Buddhist, Tao(ist), Zen, all Non-Dualistic branches of Hinduism, even the faith i was 'born in', sikhism, live in an awe of this mysterious oneness, Zoka

January 5, 2013 at 7:37pm · Like · 3

Haiku Chaos